By Mark Webb Submitted On January 07, 2018
“Being with someone who doesn’t love you isn’t called loyalty, it’s called stupidity.”
1) You Are Unable To Accept Certain Behaviors That Were Not Revealed At The Beginning. For instance, your partner somehow neglected to tell you that they had large debt or they have an unmentioned child or two. Maybe, they have an intrusive parent who is way overinvolved in your partner’s life or there is a vindictive former spouse who keeps stirring up trouble. Perhaps your partner neglected to reveal they have a prior felony conviction.
A relationship built on deceit, is a relationship built to crumble.
2) Dramatically Different Needs. You both have different goals for your lives. You have different views of what intimacy means. You don’t agree with each other on how money should be spent. You are having trouble agreeing on what are considered acceptable friends.
3) Annoying Behaviors That Add Up. These include things like drinking too much and too often. Not paying their bills on time. Not picking up after they leave a mess. Breaking their promises. Being late all the time. These don’t seem so bad at first but they will become aggravating over time.
4) The Shiny Penny Has Faded. The person who you thought was a careful saver is actually stingy and cheap. The dedicated worker whom you admired for their work ethic is never available because they work all the time and only seem to offer you the leftovers of their exhausted self when they finally do come around.
“Sometimes the one you put on a pedestal is the one who deserves the least amount of your time and respect.”
~ Jayden Hayes
5) You Don’t Trust Each Other Anymore. Relationships need a measure of certainty and predictability. Author and success coach, Stephen Covey says that TRUST is the glue of life. He says it is the most essential ingredient in effective communication and is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together.
6) No Longer Willing To Compromise. It seems that everything is now a power struggle and your partner is not willing to budge. Your partner is not reasonable and they are unwilling to see your point of view. It is their way or no way. They don’t listen to your input. Your relationship is one sided and not 50/50.
“You don’t put up with their disrespect because you love them, you put up with it because you don’t love yourself enough to leave.”
~ Sonya Parker
7) Predictable And Boring. There no longer seems to be any positive challenges or sense of adventure any more. Everything is humdrum. It feels like the two of you are simply going through the motions. You’ve tried to spice things up to no avail. Your partner makes excuses rather than trying to recapture the excitement that could be had.
8) Self-Centered Interests And Bad Habits. Does your partner have addictive behaviors such alcohol or drug abuse? Or worse; both? Do they have hobbies that keep them from plugging into the relationship? Do they give more time and energy to their friends than they do to you? Are they a workaholic? Regardless, the outcome is that your partner is unavailable.
“You don’t need to waste your time on someone who only wants you around when it fits their needs.”
9) Everything Becomes A Major Misunderstanding. Do the two of you argue about how to load a dishwasher? How to vacuum? How to fold towels? This kind of nonsense gets old quick. Towels can be folded in many different ways and dishwashers can be creatively loaded. Most things can be done in different ways. When little things become big things; then that often leads to big trouble.
“Life gets easy when you remove people who make it difficult.”
10) Your Fights Quickly Turn Ugly. Does your partner attack your looks and body image when you argue? Do they constantly make cracks about your mother? Do they stoop so low as to fighting in public? This is emotional abuse. The danger here is that after a while the couple ends up addicted to fighting. They have to win. After a while, they would rather win than get out. Now they are stuck in a cycle of exhaustive conflict.
“Even the prettiest woman could feel insecure if she loves the wrong man. What makes her beautiful is a man who can treat her right.”
~ Jhiess Krieg
Mark Webb is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice at South Georgia Psychiatric and Counseling Center in Valdosta. He is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and How To Argueproof Your Relationship. Read more of his articles at http://www.TheRelationshipSpecialist.com
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